Archive for the ‘Recovery’ Category
- In: Healthy Life | Prolonged fatigue | Psychology | Recovery
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My family doctor called last night with the results of his conversation with the head of Psycho-social Oncology program at my hospital. He specializes in quality of life issues in cancer patients and after treatments throughout life and is doing a lot of research on these topics.
The key things learned:
The first nine months after treatment is considered a healing time, that is, if you are tired, your body needs the sleep.
After this, the symptoms that remain may or may not improve over time. Any improvements may be extremely slow.
After this first nine month recovery, it can be appropriate/beneficial to quality of life to treat symptoms like brain fog or extreme fatigue.
For fatigue and hypersomnia, the first things they recommend:
- The list of behaviors copied all over the internet for fatigue.
- Caffeine/coffee may provide enough of a boost to help you energize.
- Thirty minutes of vigorous, aerobic type exercise can help more than just walking.
- If these things don’t work, then there are two types of medications, either stimulants or certain antidepressants.
The stimulants are the same list as ADD/ADHD medications. Efflexor is the recommended antidepressant that seems to have the most energizing side effects. These are considered “Off label” treatments, basically where one uses a drug for an obvious side effect rather than its original purpose.
My doctor called and asked if I wanted to try one of these medications. I’d had a particularly sleepy day, so this felt like a godsend. He asked which route I’d rather go, since he is much more familiar with the antidepressants than the stimulants.
Next step to look at the medications so I can have some intelligent input on which to try first.
Nine months after radiation ends
Posted on: January 7, 2012
I remember wondering at the start of treatments about long term effects. For me, the two things that seem to persist are fatigue and tingling in the areas where I had radiation.
My energy levels continue to get better. My progress has been slowed down considerably by the two hip replacement surgeries. It has now been three months since the last surgery.
I can see improvements in my ability to walk distances and do more. Progress is slow.
Over the Christmas holiday I spent two weeks doing things side by side with my 86 year old mother. I kept getting fatigued, needing to rest while she kept going like an energizer bunny.
As I read on cancer recovery, this is not uncommon. I saw statistics of around 30% of people have prolonged fatigue problems. For me, this makes it very hard to consider going back to work, since I cannot predict when I will be very tired or for how long. During my vacation, I was around a lot of people, doing many more things, a more normal, less protected environment than at home. The first week was hard, and then I adjusted. The second week I was doing more, but felt effects of fatigue on my mental state creeping up on me. Once home, fatigue won – keeping me in a stranglehold for seven days. It was like a bad cold without any symptoms – I just had no energy for anything and even two naps a day were not very restorative.
This has been extremely frustrating for me. I’ve been waiting for it to pass, and now realize, it is something that at least for now is beyond my control. I keep bringing it up with my GP and Oncologist who keep saying that I’m still recovering and to be patient.
The other effect is minor, but there are times, such as when I’m falling asleep or get over tired, when I can feel nerves tingling in the areas where I received radiation. It does not hurt, just a reminder of all that has transpired. My skin looks fine and seems normal. I still put lotion on radiation areas when I think of it, just to make sure.
In most ways, all the cancer stuff is a part of the past now. My two weeks in Florida was my mental transition between my two years of treatments and the rest of my life. I finally don’t feel like a patient any more.
Although my issues are not unique, most people have fared better physically than I have through each of the treatments and during recoveries. Why? That I don’t know.
How do I deal with it?
I pretty much follow the old saying to accept what I cannot change and to focus on what I can do. I’ve learned warning signs that I need to rest and honor it. This is key to maximizing the number of “good” hours in the day. I’m also gently pushing myself to gradually do more and more with both exercise and walking. Here I can see good progress.
At some point, this will all work itself out. For now, I just do the best I can.
Getting back into shape
Posted on: January 5, 2012
Most New Year’s resolutions contain some thoughts on starting or improving upon an exercise program. I came across a brochure today talking about post-cancer exercise and it confirms the tactics I use for myself and recommend to others.
No matter how motivated I am about exercising, with a lifetime of being in reasonably good shape, I still struggle when I fall out of my exercise routines. In the past six months, I’ve been working with a physical therapist several times a week to re-educate my muscles on walking due to extreme joint problems post-chemotherapy. I took a few weeks off, going to Florida, and trying to just walk as much as I could outside in the nice weather. Now I’m back and I am finally at a point to start a real exercise program like a normal person.
The approach that seems to work best is a gentle one, start slowly then build on successes. The old 80’s statement “No Pain – No Gain” may work the first few days of a new program, but too often pain leads to giving up. We don’t like pain.
It’s OK to pick a long term goal like doing a certain number of sit-ups or walking a certain number of miles each week. Success comes from finding what you can do now, gently pushing your limits using small enough increments that you can notice improvements each week. Doing this, my mother, who is in her eighties, went from 30 second jaunts on her elliptical trainer to regularly completing 15 minute workouts.
The brochure I looked at also contained an psychological step in building a good habit. They suggest writing down details of a workout on a little chart to track progress. A seemingly trivial but very significant step is to make note of how you feel right before the work out, and then note how you feel afterwards. In my experience, I usually feel sluggish before I start working out and much better at the end. Really solidifying this actual experience is key to getting myself to exercise.
Knowing I will feel BETTER afterwards is one of the greatest motivators there is.
Sources:
The Cancer Journey: http://www.thecancerjourney.org
The brochure: http://www.thecancerjourney.org/survivor/media/thecancerjourney/docs/general_exercise_brochure_v5.pdf
A new study concludes that many cancer patients have extended side effects last for at least several years. The new discovery is that these effects are seen with patients receiving ONLY radiation as well as those who underwent chemotherapy, or a combination treatment. There seems to be no mental side effects to hormonal therapies such as Tamoxifen.
Study: “Cognitive functioning after cancer treatment: A three-year longitudinal comparison of breast cancer survivors treated with chemotherapy or radiation and non-cancer controls.” Kristin M. Phillips, Heather S. Jim, Brent J. Small, Christine Laronga, Michael A. Andrykowski, and Paul B. Jacobsen. CANCER; Published Online: December 12, 2011 (DOI: 10.1002/cncr.26432).
How does curly hair grow?
Posted on: September 1, 2011
Common wisdom says that by one year after chemotherapy, your hair growth will have returned to its pre-chemo state, if it plans to. I’m now about 13 months from my last chemotherapy treatment. So what will be my permanent new “normal?
My hair measures 4.5 inches (11cm) now when I pull it straight. As it hangs naturally from my head, the curls shorten it to about 2.5 inches. I still have not trimmed it, so the length is uniform all over my head.
When it was finally long enough to attempt to style it, I tried many types of hair products in hopes of having some say in my hairstyle. So far, I’ve been able to calm down the curls from ringlets to more gentle curves, that lasts up to a few hours before returning to tighter curls. I’ve tried drying it on velcro rollers, and a variety of large curling iron settings. In all cases, the curls win.
I settled for working with just the top of my head, where I can, at least, straighten the bangs a bit and create a semblance of a part. A friend had given me some metal hairclips that I can scatter do manage to hold the hair around my face straighter as it dries, giving me a bit more normal bangs.
Now, as the hair is a little longer, I see that it grows straighter, closer to my head. Is that a sign of my hair returning to it’s older, more versatile texture? I’ll have to just wait and see. As I recall, the first inches of growth came in straightish.
I’m growing used to this new look, although it is a bit of a shock to see all the permanent id’s I’ve had to renew – my driver’s licence, health care card and passport all will show my post-chemo look for many years to come. Oh, well. It is how I look now.
I’m surprised by my intense desire to create a new, permanent post-medical self-image. With two years involved in treatments followed by double hip replacement, I feel like I’ve had the ultimate makeover. Even before my last hip surgery, I’m ready to start getting used to the new me.
In the teenage years, our bodies change dramatically, and we go through a lengthy process of experimentation to find a look and self-image that gives clues to our inner nature. Choices of clothing, hair-styles or things like posture, ways of movement and even how we talk give clues to others how we want to be seen by them and our desired position in society.
I feel like it is time to do this again. We forget that we can “reinvent” our image at any time, not needing chemotherapy nor a dramatic life change like a divorce. These events simply put us in a position where making these changes seem worth the effort.
I guess I’ll know the answer to the curly/straighter dilemma soon enough. I should have enough hair growth by December to see the permanent structure of my hair. This will coincide with the end of my recovery from the final hip surgery, giving me time to work with other variables that are of equal importance.
Waiting is hard, so I’ll just focus elsewhere. Keep experimenting when the mood moves me. Patience is not always my strongest virtue.
- In: Medical Info | Recovery
- 3 Comments
When we get diagnosed with cancer, our long term vision is to stay alive. Most information available helps with getting through treatments, but there is little discussion of life after the treatments end.
The capsule on a normal shoulder is smooth and nice.
For many, things do return pretty much to life as it was. For others, like me, there are some residual issues that need to be addressed if I don’t want them to be permanent. I’m still battling fatigue, shoulder pain and very curly hair (it used to be much straighter.)
After 3 surgeries and 3 rounds of radiation, I’ve got stiffness in my left shoulder which is literally a pain each time I get dressed or use the arm for any sort of reaching action. When a shoulder stays stiff for a long time, this is referred to as “frozen shoulder” or Adhesive Capsulitis. My physiotherapist says that frozen shoulders are common in women who have had breast cancer. Some seem to have problems even before any diagnosis or treatment, in his experience.
What is it?
The problem comes from the joint capsule ( a lining in the shoulder joint) gets sticky and messes up how the muscles work. The condition usually starts with some sort of simple trauma, like reaching for something causing a bit of pain. The pain does not go away and actually begins to increase with time, getting more and more stiff.
The capsule on a frozen shoulder.
The Mayo Clinic describes it as “The bones, ligaments and tendons that make up your shoulder joint are encased in a capsule of connective tissue. Frozen shoulder occurs when this capsule thickens and tightens around the shoulder joint, restricting its movement.” Wikipedia adds that the amount of synovial fluid is also reduced in the joint. Scar tissue forms inside the capsule. All this reduces the amount of room for the shoulder to move.
The shoulder has three kinds of muscles, one set to hold the joint still, then one to do the work of moving the arm and another set of muscle that counterbalance the movement. When the shoulder is frozen, the muscles quit using the normal choreography and instead, the wrong muscles are recruited to do the work. If I look in the mirror as I move my arms, they two sides do not move the same.
The shoulder tends to keep getting worse for a year or more, then will begin to release (thaw) over the next 1 to 3 years. Movement may be permanently restricted if you don’t intervene. Physical therapy or special types of medical massage (body work or cranial sacral therapies) can help.
My physical therapist is carefully pushing my arm to extend the range of motion, three times a week. This is very painful, but does increase the range of motion with time. I have to keep stretching it multiple times a day to help speed the process along. My arm tends to get stiffer with bad weather. Weird, but true.
Most recommendation say to get physical therapy immediately when the arm begins to hurt so that you may be able to bypass the long term problem. For me, I got physical therapy on the arm for many months in 2001/2002. It never got really bad, but movement was restricted. After the 2010/11 cancer treatments, I was working with an osteopath (focused more on other body parts) and doing QiGong which helped, but did not cure the problem.
The physical therapist says he has cured many people, and I hope he’s right. Getting myself to do the stretches is not easy sometimes, since it hurts. The alternative is worse, so I do the stretches.
Some of these things linger for too long, but that is not reason to give up and accept permanent disability of a joint. This goes for other aches and pains that don’t seem to concern an oncologist or surgeon. There are specialists with a variety of hands-on techniques that can help. You may need to try a few to get the right person to help you and in the end, so much of the recovery is about how much you are willing to keep at it until the pain goes away.
12 months after Chemotherapy
Posted on: July 16, 2011
- In: Cancer | Observations | Recovery
- 6 Comments
A full year has passed since my final chemotherapy sessions. It seems both long ago and like yesterday all at once. Oddly the first thought to come into my mind, after the nice view from the 8th floor Chemo lounge was the salmon salad sandwiches they always served for lunch. The trivial things we remember.
To look at me today, there is no way to know last year I was bald and weak from cancer treatments.
The most obvious difference is that my hair is shorter than I normally have worn it most of my life. Measuring a luxurious 3.5 inches long, I often look like a giant blonde fluffball. My hair came back much curlier than it ever has been and appears that this may be a permanent change. This morning I tried a superhold hair gel, which left me looking fluffy, but the gravity defying curls that often cover the top of my head. I’m still learning to tame it. And most importantly, I have hair. All of it came back and it is healthy.
I feel lucky that I someone ended up a little thinner at the end of treatment. I lost 5ish pounds and kept it off. Most women gain that amount. In the month after chemo, my weight skyrocketed up to 120 pounds, but then gradually it came off again. If anything, people accuse me of being to skinny. That strikes me as totally odd, something I never thought I’d ever hear in my lifetime.
After treatment I was left with three dark marks on my skin, my left arm had a two in scar from a case of shingles I developed during chemotherapy. My right arm had two long dark streaks, probably burns from the chemicals being pumped into my veins. The dark burns are gone, the shingles scar remains. It is a bit smaller, and less bright red. I guess it will be my souvenir of treatment. Not so bad, all things considered.
Assessing my energy levels is difficult, since the end of chemotherapy did not mark the end of my cancer treatments. My final round of radiation ended March 30 (3.5 months ago). I’ve also just had a hip replacement surgery, which contributes to fatigue. In general, the brain fog seems to have lifted. That took a long time, again complicated by the extra treatments. My energy levels feel good, but I still get tired more easily than I did before all this began. New studies are showing this is true in about half of cancer patients and may last a few years.
There is little evidence of radiation. One area, just under my left breast around the incision to remove the tumor, retains a very slight darkening of the skin. Sometimes it feels a bit dry, so I continue to put lotion on it. This is minor and only visible in areas that received radiation two times. This is rare. (I had breast cancer treatment in in 2001 with radiation to the same region.)
Most importantly, I am alive, feel well and have no signs of cancer in my body. I will always be at risk and cancer will always be the first thing they check for in any medical situation in my future. I am living as though I’ve reached the end of treatments and live my life as fully as possible. That said, I still take my Tamoxifen daily, work to eat right, exercise and avoid as many carcinogens as humanly possible.
This has been a journey like non-other. I’ve faced the possibility of imminent death, and suffered through the difficult treatments. Along the way I’ve also bonded more fully with friends and family and met some wonderful friends who shared similar journeys last year. With everything, there are good parts and bad parts. Hopefully, this has brought me wisdom and given me new tools to face the future.
I have a future. I like that.
Hair Care After Chemo
Posted on: June 19, 2011
- In: Daily life | Recovery
- 8 Comments
A fascinator is a kind of mini-hat to make a fashion statement. They can be crazy or a more subtle way of creating a focal point to draw attention away from your hair.
Kelsey, a 16 year old cancer graduate, asked for some insight on hair wrangling for six-twelve months after treatment ends.
To the observer, the hair issue seems trivial. In my experience, every cancer graduate is troubled by their hair on a near daily basis, until they are satisfied they “look normal” again.
Our self-image is a critical part of our interface with the world. Our choices about our appearance announce to others subliminal information about who we are and how we wish to be treated. A person with multiple facial piercings, tattoos and lots of leather wants to be seen as tough and difficult, someone who stands their ground. A tasteful suit and coiffure tells another story, instantly.
In the first months after my hair began growing back, I did not feel I looked like myself. I can only imagine how it must feel for Kelsey, each day in the socially challenging environment of high school.
If you check some of the articles below, you can see that my hair is growing back with very headstrong curls. My husband equates my corkscrews to looking like a sheep (he likes sheep and curly hair.) A few times I was able to style my hair, only to find the waves back again in a matter of hours.
So what can I do? According to the rules of design and beauty, every piece of art needs a focal point. Cosmeticians recommend we play up one feature – the eyes OR the mouth. One place to draw the observer’s eye. This is how to take charge of your self image. In the UK, the royalty use extreme hats or a small flowery, feathery hair clip they call “fascinators”, to make such a statement.
I choose a pair of glasses to be my "fascinator". Something that draws the most attention, and therefore I feel a sense of control over my appearance.
Using this concept, I thought about what I needed to attempt to convey the more artsy image I wanted. I settled on a new pair of glasses. My old ones now look conservative. I chose a pair I predict will be fashion mainstream in a year or so. The new glasses make me feel like a self-confident designer. How I feel is the most important part here. I may look like a dufus to some, but these glasses give me something to see first when I look in the mirror. I see the glasses I like, before the hair that I’m not thrilled with. It feels like I have some control.
Glasses are one kind of fascinator. There are also lots of cute hair clips, hair bands, scarves and hats that can play that role, especially for those under thirty. Past a certain age, we have to be a bit more careful in these choices. Jewelry is another good choice – necklaces or unusual earrings. This is also a good time to experiment with makeup – play up your eyes or best feature to draw attention to where it counts.
My hair has always been blonde. As with most blondes, it has gotten darker with time and started to grow back, even darker than before. I usually lighten the top portion of my hair, leaving the bottom half in the natural darker blonde. My first attempts at post-chemo hair color showed me how much my hair had changed. (See: I Look Like Spike)
While your hair is growing out, experimenting with hair color is another way to control the uncontrollable. Start with the many temporary colors available and it is best to work with someone experienced, like a professional, so you get the results you want and don’t permanently damage your hair. I’ve done my own hair for years, yet was upset by the first results.
The actual styling of my short hair has been difficult I’m not alone, a friend just gave me a bag of eight hair products that did not work for her, in hopes they might help me. I’m going through them one by one and will report later on the results.
When I use a hair dryer on short hair, the hair dries away from my head. I liked that when it was longer. For a long time, I look like I stuck my finger in a light socket. After 11 months, my hair is three inches long, so I can finally use a hair brush and tame the curls a bit for reasonable results. This was still out of the question with 2.5 inch hair.
I’ve tried drying my hair while wearing one of my old wig caps that fit closely on my head. That results in flat hair, that looks lifeless, (then springs back over the course of the day). I’ve had some success putting in hair combs to hold the bangs and hair on top smoother, while letting the wooly part in the back do its thing. After my hair dries, I oftentake out the combs, and sometimes leave them in.
One of the lessons I learned from my always fashionable younger sister, was to always work with the hair you have, not the hair you wish you had. Search the web for pictures of how others style short hair. Right now, many of the younger actresses are getting pixie cuts by choice. See how they are styling their hair with the help of expensive professionals.
I’m avoiding the temptation to cut or style my hair until I have enough for a real style I would want. Anything else will just add to the growing time.
Keep experimenting with hair products. What works or does not work, will change with the length. The hair will grow about a half inch each month, once it is established and growing again. I think it will take about 18 months for my hair to reach my shoulders again.
So far, the only thing that really helps is using a good conditioner. Sometimes I use a bit of my calendula lotion left from radiation to moisturize the ends. I rub a bit of the lotion in an invisible layer on my hands, then rub it on my head. Too much and it will get greasy.
Feeling good about ourselves, and how we look, is important. As with every other aspect of our journey, we need to focus where we can make a difference and be patient with the things we cannot control. Experimentation can lead to discoveries, frustration just leads to depression.
This too shall pass, so we may as well have fun along the way.
The final lesson, is that we care much more than others do about how we look. This is true, even amongst the bitchiest of high school girls. Who we are and how we act always speaks louder than how we look. Our appearance matters in the first seconds, who we are and how we behave ultimately drives how others see us. Find ways to feel confident, and you will act confident. That one took me many years to learn. More information is transmitted in how we stand, how we move than all the hair care and fancy clothes.
This may be a time to look into dance, exercise, yoga or martial arts to train your body to move with grace and strength. We are rebuilding our entire identity in the months after treatment. We need to make a place for the new strength and determination we have learned through treatment.
Pay attention to nutrition – this will help the hair grow back healthy, and optimize the best of your physical being – both in terms of looking good and having energy to project your aura in the world.
The superficial aspects of our lives are important, but they are just a part of who we are.
Previous Articles on Hair
Finding Me : Dealing with self-image and hair written soon after it feel out during chemo. Link: http://www.auxmaillesgodefroy.com/2010.06.11
Growing Hair: Biology of hair growth, some background. Link: http://www.auxmaillesgodefroy.com/2010.06.30
First Signs of Hair: I see hair growing about four and a half weeks after last chemo session. Link: http://www.auxmaillesgodefroy.com/2010.08.16
I Look Like Spike: Adventures in hair color. Link: http://www.auxmaillesgodefroy.com/2010.12.10
Can you style super short hair? Seven months after last treatment, summary of what I’ve learned on hair care. Link: http://www.auxmaillesgodefroy.com/2011.02.08
What is the difference between shampoo for curly hair or straight hair? Link: https://canceragain.wordpress.com/2011/05/27/what-is-the-difference-between-shampoo-for-curly-hair-or-straight-hair/
A quick guide to hair conditioners: Link: https://canceragain.wordpress.com/2011/05/29/a-quick-guide-to-hair-conditioners/
Fuchsias my shoulder
Posted on: June 3, 2011
- In: Healthy Life | Recovery
- 2 Comments
I still want to get some "Dark Eyes" fuschias for my window boxes this summer.
I dreaded the trip to the osteopath, since getting the bus still requires a long walk for me compared to the bus to the hospital. As a reward, I figured I could stop for fuschias for my window boxes on the balcony. Fuschias are my favorite flower and are normally only available for a few weeks after Mother’s Day. Each spring I search around for interesting colors and plants in small pots rather getting one big hanging basket. In Montreal, the best place is the farmer’s market by the subway station.
I got off the bus one short stop early to search for my flowers. It turns out this was the last shipment of Fuschias they were getting. By peering to the back of shelf I managed to find four color combinations. The “Dark Eyes” color was there, but only as a big hanging basket. I asked the attendant to let me test the weight of the basket, which was much too heavy for me to even walk with it to the nearby taxi stand. I’ll have to see if Philippe can go get it for me before someone else buys it.
Oh, wait, this is the story of my osteopath visit, not my flowers. Fast forward to the osteopath’s waiting room.
On the slow walk from the waiting room to his office, Pierre Gagnon, my osteopath, usually watches the details of my gait while walking. This time, after a few steps, he offered to carry my purse and little bag of plants to help me.
We decided to work on my shoulder, since hip surgery is in a month. My shoulder has not moved normally since breast cancer surgery in 2001, even though I did all the prescribed exercises.
Instead of immediately assessing my shoulder, he started standing behind me, adjusting my upper spine, then held my collarbone area as I leaned forward, limp like a rag doll. Pierre has taught me the importance of fascia, the sheets of connective tissue that protect organs, muscles and goes all over the place inside. When the fascia gets stuck, which seems to happen often, it is a source of pain and restricts movements. Thinks like surgery and radiation cause fascia to get tangled or stuck. Nerves get pulled or pinched, often far from where the actual problem occurred.
He then began assessing the movement, picking a place to start. He holds my arm in strategic ways and it is my job to be as limp as possible. I’ve learned through years of working with him and others that I can relax muscles on demand. To do this, I focus on the spot that is tense, then imagine it is relaxing as I breath out deliberately. I am always surprised at what muscles actually relax when I use this method. Often it takes releasing a tense muscle in my hip to get the one in my shoulder to soften. Weird but true.
I was happy to get some work on my arm, which we normally never get to, because other parts need more immediate attention. Loosening my hip joint at this point just makes matters worse. The joint feels better momentarily, but it increases the very painful popping and clicking. Soon all that will be fixed.
In 2002, after a while I quit working on my shoulder after a while, thinking that normal movement would bring it back and do the rest of the work. Nine years later, it still hurts. If I want something fixed, I have to keep at it. If a joint is not working right, all obstructions to proper movement must be accomplished somehow. This was not something I was able to do on my own. There is no reason to live with little aches or pains. Professionals like the osteopath can free the joints permanently.
I decided to go back one more time before my hip surgery. I want to get all residue from the breast cancer treatments taken care of so I don’t have to live with this unnecessarily permanent legacy.
We can choose to live with minor aches and pains, or we can make the little extra effort to recover fully, with intention and getting the help we need.
Six weeks after radiation
Posted on: May 12, 2011
- In: Radiation | Recovery
- 2 Comments
This is now six weeks after my radiation treatment ended. My forecast that it takes about as long to recover as it did to receive the radiotherapy seems accurate. It is a bit optimistic, I feel light years better, but would be reluctant to commit to returning back to full time work this week.
Watching my own healing process again and again is giving me new insights into the process. The past few weeks, as I am actually feeling better and doing more, I’m noticing that writing here is more difficult than it usually is. The topics are not as forthcoming, nor the fluency in writing.
I’ve long been a believer in the cyclic nature of everything in our lives, despite the modern tendency to see everything as linear. What do I mean by that? It is easy to portray a health episode as one day I notice I am feeling bad, then I feel better and the illness has past. The same thing with weight loss or weight gain, we see it as if there should be a steady line, when in fact, our body weight is in constant fluctuations. The highest weight and lowest weight change over time, but we rarely weigh the same two days in a row.
Our minds tend to link “like” days together…. when we think we are feeling better, we discount the down days in-between because they don’t fit the mental image.
Like with weight loss, I’m experiencing fluctuations each day – the good days keep getting better and the tired days are not as exhausting.
The past two days have been tired days, following a particularly new high in feeling back to my old self. If I did not realize this was a cyclic thing and that a few tired days are to be expected after the good day, I could have been very frustrated by the set back. Instead, I chose to occupy myself with more tedious tasks, like updating the index for this blog.
As I am returning to normal hours of sleep at night (8 hours), I started having trouble sleeping and staying asleep for a few nights with naps becoming shorter and shorter. The resulting tiredness is my body adjusting to these changes.
The heavy weight of fatigue seems to be in past now. For this, I mean the feeling of not wanting to move, like when one has the flu, where every movement takes too much effort. The last couple days, I’ve felt tired, but still could motivate myself to do things other than read.
This feels like huge progress.
Cancer 2.0: The Sequel 
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